Before first chapter of In One Person even begins, the reader sees a quote from Richard II, by William Shakespeare, "Thus I play in one person many people, and none contend." This quote encapsulates the early years of Billy's life. Billy is constantly torn between his feelings and what he feels is socially right.
As an "almost-a-bastard child," Billy spent even the early years of his life feeling like he was a social outcast. Neither he, nor his mother, know the whereabouts of his father. In the fifties, when society was so focused on having the perfect family, being a single mother was a stigma unlike any other. Billy grew up surrounded by his extended family: his eccentric grandfather, extremely proper grandmother and aunt, and his alcoholic uncle. Even by today's standards, this is not the ideal situation for a young, confused child to be brought up in.
Billy learns morph his personality from a very young age, in order to fit whatever situation may arise. The only constant in Billy's life is his grandfather, who not only takes care of him, but also his mother. When Richard Abbott enters the picture as Billy's stepfather, he changes everything. Billy feels comfortable enough to tell Richard about his "crushes on the wrong people," referring to his childlike crush on Richard, as well as his love for the town librarian, Miss Frost. However, Billy pretends that these crushes are on girls his own age, and not on adults who have prominent roles in his life. Richard offers Billy important advice, "You cannot will yourself to have , or not to have, a crush on someone." Although this advice certainly make Billy feel better, it does not prepare him for the world of hurt which comes from having a crush on the wrong person. At Favorite River Academy, Billy develops another crush: Jacques Kitteredge, the captain of the wrestling team and star of the school play. Unfortunately, Billy shares the crush with his best friend, Elaine, from whom Billy hides this secret.
The social norms of this time period restrict Billy from truly being himself. He does not feel as though he can fully open up to anyone. He can never tell the full truth, and feels the need to lie, even when he is not being judged. Being a bicurious adolescent was a burden that haunted Billy throughout of his early years. Billy lived in constant fear, as most homosexuals of the time did. His creative development was severely stunted, because he had to continually has to censor himself and his thoughts.
The quote also gives the title of the book a meaning. In Billy, there exists gay Billy, straight Billy, actor Billy, lover Billy, writer Billy, and so many more. These are things that exist within us all, but the question is whether or not these multiple facets of one personality define us. Are we who we say we are? Are we all of those facets at once during any one time?
ReplyDeleteI know I personally catch myself speaking or acting a certain way around certain people, in order to either please them or fit in with them. I suppose we categorize ourselves in a way. In categorizing ourselves based off of other people, do we defy human nature or is this natural, to want to be like another person?
Billy clearly has a confident sense of self, even with all the personalities he has to project. He did not, however, have a confident sense of self when he was younger, and had to project each of these selves to different people.
This poses the question: Do we always pretend to be something we're not? Do any of us have a real self?